plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
