No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
