Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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