His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
