If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
