All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
