he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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