Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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