I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
