haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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