I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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