i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize