So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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