...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's official drugs can't kill me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
