This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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