I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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