Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
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So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
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You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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