i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
