Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
