I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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