thus making me awesome and them whores
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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