he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
