we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
