I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
