Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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