People with herpes should wear stickers.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
