I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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