Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
