I'm laying in your front yard are you home
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
