Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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