who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
