i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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