My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
