that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
