Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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