Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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