Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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