Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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