Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
