Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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