I want to have your abortion
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
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I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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