i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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