mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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