Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
