he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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