Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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