On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
