woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
