If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i out mim tonsoeep
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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