And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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