i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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