Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
