I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
