It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
