I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
