I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
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Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
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I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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