You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this