Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
