but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
