i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
