I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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