I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Randomize
