I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
