no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
