Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
