we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
