these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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