WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
