turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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