in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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