hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
