how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
