I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
