If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
All I want is dick and wine.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
