Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
