Umm I'm too high to move.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
