but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
