i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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