You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
