Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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