We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
