i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
