call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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