now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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