How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
