Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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