I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
